the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
