She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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