I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
