Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
