that's an acceptable place to lick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
