Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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