I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
