It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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