grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
