Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
