I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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