is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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