Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
