Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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