I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
