Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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