My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
