I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
