im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
