He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
