I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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