Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
