fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
