..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
