I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
