from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
