WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
