If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
