dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I need a beard to bite.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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