what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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