I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
