I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
