I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
