Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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