Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
