suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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