Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's rum buckets o'clock
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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