she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
