i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
