Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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