My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
