I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
