I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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