let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
