Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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