Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
