walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
