I am in a vortex of obligation.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
