its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
