Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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