Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
