She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Randomize
