is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
